the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
