I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
