So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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