Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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