i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
