Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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