Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
