Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
