That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
