I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
