Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
