Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
