I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
