We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize