You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
