He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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