I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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