I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Ketchup is God's man juice
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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