so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
3 2 1 whiskey
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
