walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize