hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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