just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
