I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
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You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
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I keeping finding meatballs in random places
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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