I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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