Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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