dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
