32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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