No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He shit in the fireplace
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
