I think my vagina is haunted
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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