This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
