I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
