I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
