And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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