Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
