i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
