she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
