I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
