So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
