you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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