so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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