It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
