omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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