I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
