whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
