Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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