You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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