and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Naked Twister starts at high noon
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
