she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
