i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
