I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
