The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
