if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
