Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
