saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
did i walk over a car last night?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
