just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
