I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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