and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.