So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
