Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.