i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...