um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
