I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
