i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
