...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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